Redwall LIVE
by the sHINjo
Summary: Ever wondered what might happen if the characters of Redwall Abbey collided in one big free for all mele? Well...okay, maybe not a mele, but still! If you're confused, my job here's done. Although...if you read this I'd be very appreciative! *ON HIATUS*
1. The Fun Begins

Grasping Matthias's paws within her own, Cornflower looked teary eyed at her dying friend. Through the tears, she choked out her words, "Matthias…Matthias! Please…don't die, you're too young… You have your whole life ahead of you…"

Through a half-smile, Matthias looked into Cornflower's eyes, a sparkle in his own. His right paw was placed over a rather large wound to his side, and his left held the hilt of Martin the Warrior's sword. 

Gritting his teeth together, he tried to cheer Cornflower up. Reassure her, "Don't worry about me, Cornflower… I'm going to a far better place… I'm finally going to meet Martin." His eyes closed and his smile grew wider. Quietly he added, "My life long dream…finally coming true…" 

As his paw unclenched, and the sword hit the red sandstone with a dead thud, Cornflower's face scrunched into a creased form, only tears visibly falling from her squinted eyes.

"CUT!" The voice came from somewhere in the distance, and a spot light was immediately glaring down upon the two mice.

Raising his head, Matthias turned to where the voice had come. "What now, Basil? What'd we do wrong?"

Rather huffily Cornflower stood up, taking no regard for Matthias; who promptly hit his head on the floor when she did so and remained there in a daze. She stormed off the now visible stage.

A small "Ow." Came from the mouse upon the floor, and immediately a crew of make-up artists ran to his side. "We are you servants, we only exist to tend to your every need Sir Matthias." The Dibbuns all bowed their heads, nodding up and down.

"A mouse could get used to this." Matthias said before the horde of little mice, hares, moles, and squirrels carried him away.

Basil shook his head and began spazzing out on no one in particular. After all he _was_ the director and it was up to _him_ to direct this pre-showing of _Redwall Live_.

"First of all, Matthias…" He paused noting that the mouse was no longer in hearing range, but continued on anyways, "I did not believe your act for a second. Not enough drama! Not enough excitement! You need to be more convincing with your acting! Secondly, Cornflower, your eyes are not blood shot. I will not settle for half-baked work. It's like trying to make a batch of cookies with sand. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK! Thirdly---"

Sneaking up behind the unsuspecting hare, Veil hit the _director _upon the head with Sunflash's great mace, and dropped it kicking it under some rug. Peering over the knocked out hare, Veil smirked while rocking back and forth on his hind heels, paws tucked secretly behind his back. "Oopps, Mr. Basil seems to have taken a small trip there. Hope he does come home soon."

Suddenly, Basil hopped to his feet, swaying around in an almost drunken way, his tongue hanging slightly out of his mouth. "Dun't worryaaaa…people…the shoooow…can't go oooon, with out da direeeeectooor….r…" Falling back to the floor, Basil landed in a heap, drooling on the floor.

Chugger ran across the crowded stage and in his best announcer voice said, "Cwean up on isle twree!" Then scampered away again tail flailing behind him.

"Moving on…" Veil smiled again and looked to the remaining cast. "I'll be directing from now on." Shadows highlighted his features for a moment, and he almost looked as evil as his father. Almost. "Bwahahahahaha!"

Quietly Skittles ran onto the stage, holding small note cards, tiny eyeglasses hanging on his snout, the hedgehog said solemnly. "We interrupt this pre showing of _Redwall Live_ to inform you that we are having a technical difficulties with our director and Veil Sixclaw will be taking his place. Thank you." 

As the small Dibbun walked off-stage, all present stared at him. 

"Did he just use non-Dibbun speech?" Bryony stared after the small hedgehog.

"Seems that way…" Columbine pointed out.

Clearing his throat, Veil's eyes flashed ominously, "I said, _moving on_! …Right. Now, let's skip this mushy stuff and go straight to the action!"

Everyone cheered happily, even Dinny Foremole. 

Cutting to the next scene, the crew of the Honeysuckle was fighting the raging waters. Braving through the wild waves to save their lives. 

Among the group was Dinny, cringing in a corner. Tears rolling down his cheeks. "This is what you call action????"


	2. Fun? What are you talking about? THIS IS...

Shivering in a corner, Dinny glared daggers at Veil. The poor mole never had enjoyed sailing to begin with but with all the waves and turns and crashes Veil added to the scene to make it seem more realistic, he had gotten terribly sea sick. Beyond word describing.

Patting his paws together, Veil let the shades that rested on his snout fall so that they were barely on. He peered over them, while Triss, Mariel, and even baby Gonflet gave him a manicure. "Now, take 10,289,433,577! ACTION!" (He kept track of that many take-overs?)

"Where is Durry with that Pearl Queen pudding?!" Rufe bellowed causing his oldness to make him look…not so old.

"Ee be suma where dawdling. Mista Rooooof." A small Dibbun said, a goofy smile planted on his little face.

"That's R-U-F-E, Rufe, not R-O-O-F roof." Placing a paw upon the Dibbun's head, he ruffled his ears playfully.

A small knock came from the door and unfortunately, for the 10,289,433,578th time, it fell in on contact. Durry stood staring at it dumbly, ladle in paw and a cart holding the Pearl Queen pudding in the other. "Maybe I shouldn't pound so hard." 

"Pounda too hard!" One of the young squirrel Dibbuns scolded Durry shaking her fist. "You gonsta maka biiiiiig mess, then Mista Veil gotsta clean all ups afta ya!" Paw raised, the small squirrel led a rampage of squealing Dibbuns from the building and into the grassy abbey.

"That one there's gonna to grow up to be a fine marm!" Durry spoke, waving his ladle around as if he were an expert on this type of thing. 

"Like you would know Durry…you really would. Knocking down the set and all there." Rufe eyed his old shipmate ruefully (get it? Rufe-rue? Ahahahahah…you don't get it).

Veil was rolling around the ground laughing his poor little ferret tail off. The manicure crew was all staring at him as if he were high off cheese curls. 

Bryony looked at her friend with a bit of scared pity shaking her head. "Aw, Veil, look at what you've been resorted to become. A cheese curl-high director sit-in. For shame…"

"Oh Almighty Martin the Warrior, please bestow upon your power of your grace to allow us to go through at least ONE parody without having a screw up!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!" Cornflower clasped her paws above her head, while kneeling upon the ground.

The reply came, with a beam of light. "_Cornflower, Cornflower…rise from thy knees. Thou shall not bow before me, for thine is the same as I. Together as one. All Redwall creatures._"

Squinting, Cornflower stood up and placed her hand over her brow and looked to the light stage. Smiling, she waved, "HIYA MARTIN!"

There stood Martin in the window with an Angel costume on, holding a harp. His face was not pleased. "What the heck did you fools do to me?"

"Martin's gotta floaty wingy things!" Skittles pointed out as he passed through.

Currently, Veil was dabbing at his face with a kerchief as he tried to regain his composure. 

Basil let out a small moan, but was silenced once again as Veil kicked him. "Boy you chaps is doomed when we get to the actual production!"

Chugger had gotten a hold of his own 'angel' wings and was running around the back of the camera-crew pointing his star ended wand and throwing 'pixy dust' everywhere. "Chugger a pwetty lil fairy!" Then he tripped over the rather large lump, signifying as Sunflash's great mace that Veil had hidden and landed flat on his face.

It took a few minutes or so before the young squirrel realized his pain and ran off crying. Looking for any badger mum he could.

"Alright. Everyone take a break, meet back in 1 hour. Refreshments are on the table outside, so enjoy ye'selves!" Slinking away, Veil went to cause some more havoc. Possibly including a certain honey pot. 


	3. FOOD FIGHT!

Author's Note: In this chapter of _Redwall LIVE_ I have included one of my friends as a character. If you don't catch my drift, you'll understand all in good time. ^^ Enjoy! BTW: She's a squirrel.

"Aye Broggle!" Gina hopped over to where Broggle stood over a bowl at the refreshment table. "Whatcha up to?"  
  


Back hunched, Broggle stared at the small, round, chocolate coated, peanut butter balls passing by as Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Bites. He didn't look up from the large mass that clustered within the bowl as he spoke, "Gina, lookit the choo-choo trains."

Raising a brow, Gina put a paw upon her fellow squirrel's shoulder. "Are you feeling alright, Broggle? Or have all the retakes gone to your head, too?"

Taking one of them Broggle held it between his paw and began moving it up and down making train noises. "See, Gina? Choo-choo train!"

"…Right, Boggle…" Slowly, Gina inched away. Scarred for life.

Somewhere else amongst the mountainous towers of food stood Tsarmina and a bunch of sea rats. All of the rats were gorging on all the food they could get their paws upon, and Tsarmina sneered at them. 

"Stop eatin' like pigs you bag of buffoons!" 

They all looked at the wild cat with a raised brow, "An' what if we don't, eh?" One of them chided. "There ain't nuffin you can do to us!"

Another rat hit the one who had spoke. "Shut yer trap! That's the Cap'in yous be talkin' to. Be a bit more res'ectful!!!" 

"JUST STOP IT!" Tsarmina erupted. "If there's one thing I DO NOT like, it's VIOLENCE!" She sputtered through gritted fangs before hitting the second rat.

"Then why're you hittin' me, Cap'in?"

She hit him again, "Make that TWO things I hate. Violence, and stupid questions." Having had enough of the blustering fools for one day, Tsarmina strutted off from the table and into her trailer.

Another Note From the Author: HEY GUYS!!! Or…all you people who are so kind enough to read my fic. ^^;; I need YOUR help! I'm quickly running out of ideas for chapters and I told myself I'd at least reach Chapter 6 without giving up! If you could be as so kind as to leave a review, would you mind sticking in some possible ideas? That is, if you wouldn't mind. If you could, MAJOR THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
